Category — Office Supplies

Sticky notes are a great way to leave little reminders to yourself. However, they are also a huge waste of paper, particularly if you share my passion for using entire note pads to make little stick figure cartoons. So why not extend the life cycle of your notes by using these Sticky Origami Note Pads which allow you to master the Japanese art of paper folding.

If you enjoy cluttering your desk with useless junk that pretends to serve a purpose, then the Desk Top Butt Station is right up your alley.  As you can surely tell from the pictures, it is made to look like a fellow sitting on a toilet holding a roll of toilet paper.  The idea of the paper clips sticking to the guys underside is a nice touch, but unfortunately for all you mad pen collectors the piece only appears to hold 3.

Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’ After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’ ‘It was Bob the next door neighbour,’ she replies. ‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’ Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’ ‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’ Puff! She’s gone. ‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’ Puff! He’s gone. ‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’ The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’ So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. ‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy’. ‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’ The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

via Ballbagger

Be Smart, Clip Smart

The paperless office was supposed to be here by now, but while we continue to wait, here is a something to make keeping your documents together a lot easier; The Smart Clipper from Smart Office Products.  It comes in three sizes: Large, Medium, and Small. Good thinking there. One size never fits all. It also makes a good bookmark.

I particularly like that it stacks flat on the desk. The aesthetics of my home office leave enough to be desired without making the piles of paper on my desk look like leaning towers about to fall over when I sneeze. The clipper also evidently comes in handy for sealing the bags inside cereal bags. I guess that qualifies as thinking inside-the-box.

I spend much of my time looking for interesting gadgets or ideas that I feel are worth sharing with those of my readers who (like me) spend all day working in a cubicle, and just need a few minutes to relax and read something funny.

While I have claimed the official title of Office Master, the truth is that I find many of my stories from other blogs, who in turn then also deserve the title.

Therefore I am hosting my first ever Are You An Office Master? contest to find someone to share the title with!!!

[Read more →]

Keyboards are disgusting.  An average keyboard supposedly accumulates more germs than a public toilet, and if used by people half as lazy as me,  is usually smudged with dried palm sweat, and copious amounts of Cheeto’s crumbs.  Luckily for me, there is a new way to clean your keyboard.

This goopy substance that somewhat resembles a giant booger is called the Cyber Clean, and promises to give your keyboard a good cleaning by using “a combination of viscosity and elasticity to sink right into cavities, absorbing dirt and other residues whilst killing germs on the surface”.

Buy a pound of it for $16 here

via BoingBoing

If I didn’t already have a problem with falling asleep at work I would be all over this workstation.

The Ergopod 500 was designed so that programmers, COD workers,graphic designers, special needs individuals, and lazy bloggers could spend even more time in front of the computer screen. The Ergopod 500 can be positioned over a reclining chair, or a bed, and claims to increase productivity in people who are actually awake. While no studies have been performed, it appears the Ergopod 500 may also increase the likelihood of untimely death by being crushed by a computer monitor since it appears that the only thing holding that dinosour iMac in place is a measly belt strap.

This glorious piece of technology will cost you $3,695.

via DVICE

Technology is advancing rapidly these days, and while many of us are able to keep up with the emerging trends and evolving technical language, there are those among us who are simply unable to understand or operate any piece of technology more advanced than the television remote in their living room.

I recently noticed that my office happens to have one of these people. This man was attempting to operate the idiot proof shredder we have at my office, but somehow, someway, despite the simplistic nature of the machine, this man failed at using it to shred his documents. Consequently, the man was forced to shred his stack of papers manually.

I’m not sure why I didn’t bother to help him at the time, but I wound up feeling rather bad about it later that day, so I decided I would attempt to help him in some way. After a bit of research, I found what can only be described as the absolute perfect gift for this technologically challenged person; the Think Tank Hand Crank Paper Shredder.

I am fairly certain that my co-worker will have no problems operating this piece of machinery in the future since the only advertised requirements for use of this machine are “paper” and “hand with opposable thumb”. At a mere $3.99 I actually can’t think of a better x-mas present for my other co-workers, so I may just order ten.

Ahhh I remember the day I had my first interview for a ‘real’ job…if only I had owned one of these ties.

DesignYouTrust

click for a bigger picture.